I see the gas dancing along the neon tube above the front desk. I feel the place in my little finger that is split, was bleeding an hour ago. I feel the pressure of the band aid. I like my navy blue short-sleeved shirt. I feel alright when i wear it. I like Exile on Main Street. I like the tempura udon that the Japanese place i cannot locate on a map for having only ordered delivery from delivers. It is comforting. I like the Ikea table and bed we assembled yesterday.
I approach assembling Ikea furniture with the same reverence once reserved for Lego. Back when it would be a whole afternoon thing, take no calls, don’t answer the door, kick my little brother out of the room.
First, prepare. Set the settings. Gather the tools. Clear the workspace, be it kitchen or bathroom or bedroom floor. Isolate yourself and meditate. Perhaps offer up a silent prayer that this will not be one of the 50% of Ikea pieces that come pre-damaged or defective. When anticipation is balanced by your sense of focus and readiness, kneel and open the box. Slowly, slowly, forcing yourself to slowness, find the instructions. Stop. Do not go straight to step one, do not collect 200 Kronor. Do not rush anything. Remember that screw you snapped, that board you cracked, that wood you scratched. Slowly. First, verify that all required pieces are present. Count screws and bolts and locate whatever symbiotic tool designed for one single specific screw or bolt comes with the piece. Vacuum out the holes left full of sawdust. Read the manual once through, visualizing the sequence of events. Now, at last, you are ready. In one fluid series of movements, assemble your Lego monorail or Mella table or Malm bed or Ramberg bedside thingy. Lose yourself in the alignment of the legs, the symmetry of screws, going from one to the next, tighten, adjust, tighten, adjust. Stand back and admire your handiwork. Bask in the glow of your new home, all bright white and dark wood. Is there such a thing as catalogue kitsch?
There is always a slight comedown when it is complete. A sadness at it being over so soon, an urge to go out and buy more bookshelves, more hampers, more lights and coatracks and shoeracks and that orange fuzzy thing you’re not sure is a carpet or a doily. Or maybe just move again so you can start over… Post assembly, animal triste.
Comments for “Particleboard Porn” :
Ikea as Zen. It could be a whole new marketing campaign. Me I assemble Ikea (2 of those metal daybed thingys) with a large mallet and a copious supply of expletives.
helena | Homepage | 13 09 2006 at 5:45 pm
i bought and assembled a new bed last week too. is this Ikea Karma?
della | Homepage | 15 09 2006 at 4:57 am
that depends, are you referring to the pinewood Karma bed with the Ingetorp nightstand and Valhalla rug?
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